I don't know exactly what's happening at OY now. But Morgan's been blogging some about it at her blog, A Trip to the "Morg." It stirred up my memories, and I started telling stories about 2005-6. But now that I'm talking about that stuff, I'm not sure when I'll be able to stop. And I don't to treat Morgan's blog like my memoirs. (See my previous post, "On sharing space...")
So I'll be writing my stories here instead, in the blog I created last week, which now appears to have been wonderful timing. Here are the first two stories, copied from her comment threads. Any more will be separate posts.
The first, in her post titled Post the Twelfth or An Open Letter to the Out Youth Board of Directors:
September 2nd, 2011 at 10:06 am
Should have mentioned – you’re an eloquent writer. You said some things really beautifully about OY’s culture.
In 2005-6, we had some problems that sound like yours now. OY ran out of money, and it was a surprise to everyone outside of the board. The board was disconnected with the org’s culture and stated values, and for a long time only the staff knew it. But suddenly the board was making decisions we could see, and we spotted the disconnect for ourselves. Staff were gone, so “we” was vols and youth.
Of course, the board’s lack of expertise was a blind spot for most of them. They thought they knew just as well as anybody what OY stood for. When you said they seem pompous and self-important to you, that’s what it reminded me of.
So suddenly there was the money crisis the board was focused on, but also an identity crisis they didn’t recognize. The only people who recognized it were the ones closer to OY’s mission/values/culture. Board members were super stressed about the money, and most REALLY didn’t want to hear from us about the soul of OY. They wanted us to sit down and shut up. That conflict ate up time/energy and burned out some really dedicated people at a time OY couldn’t afford to lose them.
One volunteer made a suggestion I didn’t understand at the time. Now I think it was a smart idea. He suggested we ask the board to meet with a trained, neutral mediator from the local Dispute Resolution Center to identify our varied interests and seek a path foward together. Because your colleague is right – the org isn’t much good without those at the heart of OY’s mission. And things also won’t go anywhere without the board members. Both constituencies are vital.
How great is it to have an org so worth fighting for?
The next, from Post the Eighteenth, or Dismantling Power Part II:
September 20th, 2011 at 4:24 pm
That’s funny. During the 2006 crisis, youth requested/demanded a meeting with the board. To prepare for it they enlisted a facilitator, the amazing Tim Eubanks, to help them figure out what was important to them and how they wanted to present it. Tim was then supposed to facilitate the meeting with the board. Volunteers were aligned with the youth but organized ourselves separately to a large extent, so it was really the youth’s meeting.
I was a “Lead Volunteer” at the time. We maintained the listservs for youth and for volunteers. I’ll never forget the Chair emailing me with a message for everyone, which read in part: “The majority of the board feel that a facilitator is not necessary for Sunday. Let your facilitator know that they will not be needed.” I said I’d forward her message and asked their rationale for not wanting him there. The next response was, “As far as having a facilitator, I agree that it is a good idea. Gail Goodman of Waterloo Counseling has agreed to facilitate our meeting on Sunday. She brings a wealth of knowledge about Out Youth and the community and she is well known and respected in the community and a neutral party.”
I remember calling them out on what felt like a petty power play, trying to seize control of a meeting youth had initiated to air their concerns, when the board already had the power advantage as adults in positions of authority. They’d also unilaterally set a date for the meeting, and in other ways they used their power when they could have shared it. I was pissed.
Months after this, I reconciled with the chair. (see below) She really didn’t get it, she was really doing her best, cared a ton, stressed and worked her tushie off. If it weren’t for her, OY would not have survived that crisis. She wasn’t evil, even though she did some awful (AWFUL!) things. And it taught me something about people.
She and the board at that time did not feel powerful. They felt trapped in a crappy situation, stressing over extremely difficult decisions, and then having people furious with them for their mistakes and for some things that weren’t necessarily mistakes. They took their privilege/power for granted, so they were both insensitive to the power imbalance everyone else was feeling and felt threatened by any move to equalize that imbalance. They were scared by our anger and sometimes confused, because they didn’t realize how things looked or felt from our perspective. They were defensive and sensitive to our (harsh) criticism. They didn’t get it.
Anyways. That’s one reason I now favor mediators for dispute resolution. Part of their (our) job is to equalize the power imbalance… another is to slow it down and help people unpack things so they can understand each other… another is to keep conflict from escalating to the point it derails the whole collaborative process… another is to help people stay open and take in what others are saying.
Hope it doesn’t sound like I’m lecturing. I’m telling the story partly because I’m excited we have stories with such similar elements, partly because it’s horrifying to know OY may have lost everything we learned the last time around and may be learning the same agonizing lessons all over again. And telling the stories is the best way I can think of to pass on OY’s institutional knowledge, scattered though it may be.
When I said “see below,” it was for this. This is part of the chair’s parting message to those of us on the board when she left it. Obviously she had the humility to examine herself and learn from others, even though for a while that humility wasn’t visible to me:
“It is kind of funny how my perspective has changed over the last few months. Earlier this year, I made decisions based on a business perspective, very matter of fact without regard to any other perspective. Lately, I have had to look at the clinical, youth, volunteer,and community stakeholder perspective. A lot of growth in the last few months.”
She left the board as soon as she felt she responsibly could after recruiting my cohort. As a board member with her, I was one of just a few who got to know her as someone other than the face of evil. (Our reconciliation actually happened at my interview for a spot on the board.) I regret that the others never got to see her big heart, humility, evolution, dedication, and integrity.
And an afterthought just after I submitted the story:
Oh yeah, mediators also cut people off if they try and interrupt. 
I'll continue to read Morgan's blog. It's good. If I write here about memories stirred up by whatever she wrote there, I'll link to her post from mine, and I'll post a link to mine in her comments for anyone who cares. If I'm discussing whatever she's writing about more directly, I'll do it there with her.
