Saved for posterity: response to my first comic.

I had this running argument in the comments of my first comic, posted on Photobucket. I was originally inclined to leave it there, frenzied personal attacks and all.

Juan pointed out that to trash me personally in a venue where I was trying to advertise is kind of a dick move. And he's right - esp when this is someone I know who's had problems with me before. I'd never do that to someone. If I felt truly compelled to object to something objectionable, I'd keep it civil, impersonal, and as drama-free as possible.

So I decided to delete it from there. But I didn't want to disappear it from existence entirely. People are entitled to express their opinion, even if they're not entitled to do it in every manner or venue they might like. So I've changed the venue to a more appropriate one. Yay.



moti_tx:
What does it mean when I say Detour is inclusive of both straight and LGBT people, and you then compare this to a company only for black people and accuse me of being a gay segregationist? What does it mean to say I support a politician I don't follow from a state where I don't live? I get that you're pissed about the cartoon, but that doesn't make it okay to invent bogus things to accuse me of.


browns2013:
Look at your cartoon, look at all your comments, - it is all hate Matt! It makes me sad for you. Others feel the same way but hide you on facebook because they don't want to call you out. Then you have these narcissistic opinions where you think you are right and everyone else is wrong. Honestly, I just find it sad. That's all I will say. I don't want to argue but I couldn't let this horrible cartoon go without a comment.


moti_tx:
Drew, where do you come up with this stuff? You hardly know me. You don't know what I think of Sherrod Brown. I know nothing about him. You don't know what I think of Obama. Or gay self-segregation. You don't know what kind of neighborhood I live in, who my friends are, or what organizations I'm involved with. You haven't known me well since we were kids. And I see zero difference between your "gay-friendly" and my "LGBT-and-straight-inclusive" tour company. You just want to argue. No thanks.


browns2013

Unrelated - you say you support social issues (i.e. gay rights, womens rights, etc). So why do you support Sherrod Brown in Ohio? You can spin it anyway you want, but the fact of the matter is Brown is violent against women. http://freebeacon.com/sherrod-browns-war-on-women/


browns2013

Second - why do you need to have a travel agency for gay people??? How many people would be screaming if someone opened a black only travel agency?? It would be considered discrimination (by law). Again, doing these things reinforces sterotypes. Why not just open a travel agency that is gay friendly? My friends and I travel all over the world and we find no need to involve a gay travel agency. We travel with PEOPLE - we don't need to be classified. I don't understand your position.


browns2013

Matt you are like the gay version of the Black Panthers. You reinforce bad sterotypes about gay people. You are so far to the left and so extreme that you are a very bad voice for homosexuals. You are a gay segregationist as well. First of all - you don't need to stifle free speech. All gays are not democrats and all gays are not going to agree with you. There are many gay conservatives that have opinions just like you do. Political parties do not speak for people.


moti_tx

But, more seriously: I wouldn't make fun of the gay Republican leadership if they didn't say such stupid shit - blasting Obama for his positions on LGBT rights even as their own party is excluding them from key conferences and otherwise kicking them to the curb. It's not like I made any of this shit up. I'd take you more seriously if you spoke some language besides hyperbole.


moti_tx

OMG, gay police officers?!?! What will they think of next?


browns2013

PS - your socialist hero is down -7% in the polls: http://www.rasmussenreports.com/public_content/politics/obama_administration/daily_presidential_tracking_poll


browns2013

I think this may be one of the dumbest and most idiotic things I have ever seen. The only reason I saw this was because someone emailed me the link (laughing at you) saying how far over the deep end you have gone. This is just silly, hateful, and shows exactly how far in space you are Matt. Wake up and join the real world. There are gay Democrats, there are gay Republicans, there are gay liberals, there are gay conservatives, there are gay police officers, etc, etc, etc.


moti_tx

Hope you enjoy the comic! Everyone's also invited to check out my LGBT and straight-inclusive tour company, <name and add'l description omitted>.

Sarah Hammond: One of my favorite people

I just lost one of my favorite people, Sarah Hammond.  Others have written about her death already, including:

1. Provost of Wm. and Mary - http://www.wm.edu/news/announcements/2011/message-regarding-sarah-hammond.php
2. Sarah Brubaker - http://www.religiondispatches.org/dispatches/sarahmoricebrubaker/5451/in_memoriam%3A_sarah_hammond/
3. Linn Tonstad - http://usreligion.blogspot.com/2011/11/sarah-ruth-hammond-1977-2011.html
4. Mark Oppenheimer - http://markoppenheimer.com/front-page/i-miss-you-sarah-hammond.html

Sarah and I grew up just 20 minutes apart without knowing each other.  We met as undergrads at Yale, and for a while she was just an acquaintance.  What turned her into a dear friend was spending 9 hours in a car together driving from Yale home to Ohio.  She forgot to tell me she didn't know how to drive... so I was expecting her share the stress of driving.  I wasn't quite pleasantly surprised when we got in the car and she gingerly asked, "Oh, did I tell you I don't know how to drive?"  But we bonded hard on that trip anyways and have been good friends ever since.

I described Sarah the other day as smart, funny, and kind.  Thinking more about her, I'd add that she was also gentle, sweet, and very spirited.  She and I shared a love of the absurdity we see in society, and particularly from the political/religious right.  When she'd send out mass emails or post to Facebook, it would often be to share her delight at some new absurdity.  

At one time, her favorite absurdity was the bizarre game of Bladderball, a mid-20th-century Yale tradition involving lots of alcohol, a big crowd of students, and a huge inflatable ball.  I get the idea it was like a tug of war, but the war was for your group to control where the ball went.  The tradition ended abruptly in grand "It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye" fashion.  I don't know what the injury/injuries were that shut it down... but Sarah probably did.  Wikipedia cites "Yale bladderball historian Sarah Hammond" as a source for their article.

I pay attention to the Political/Religious Right, aka the Religious Wrong, aka the Christianists.  I'm talking about Focus on the Family, Exodus, WorldNetDaily, and all their ilk.  When I talked to Sarah, there was a lot I didn't have to spell out.  I could mention a name and she'd know who it was, because she knew all the players as well as I did.  (She also got the religious side of things much better than I did!)  We saw the same absurdity and hypocrisy, and we enjoyed the combined amusement and revulsion we both felt.

There's one other way we really connected, and it was more recent.  Like Sarah, I left a job hurting very badly.  Mostly it wasn't my fault, though of course I blamed myself more than I deserved.  I shouldn't have felt awful about myself over it, but I did.  Then I felt bad for being out of work, for not bouncing back fast enough emotionally or functionally, and for being financially dependent on someone else.  I was impatient with myself, perfectionistic, and ashamed.  Sarah went through all the same things when she left her teaching position in Germany and struggled to regain her balance.

We both prefer for people not to see us at our worst, and only to look at us when we can show them something good.  So I imagine she wasn't running around pouring her heart out about this to everyone she knows.  When we talked on the phone, I could tell she was hurting in ways I recognized.  So I talked about how I'd felt, and then she'd acknowledge feeling the same way.  I came to feel very protective of her because I could identify so closely with what she was going through.  And I was really happy for her when she seemed to be getting back in the swing of things with her new post at William and Mary.

I'm just confounded that Sarah - vibrant, talented, spirited, lovable Sarah - could reach the end of her life so early.  Since my rough spot a few years ago, my life has gone in directions I never predicted.  And I'm pretty happy with how it's come together.  But I could never have seen that the things I was doing would eventually all lead me to this.  I don't think Sarah had reached this point yet with her own struggles and unpredictable path.  I wish she'd had the time to see where it would lead.

I've caught myself fantasizing that things could have happened differently, and she'd still be here.  What if I'd been there for her at a key moment and in a position to help?  What if, what if, what if.  I know that's a bullshit line of thinking.  But at the same time, it's hard to accept that a tragedy like this happened and was so much beyond my control.  Among other things, that means another tragedy could come along.  At least if I thought I could have prevented it, I might feel some security that I wouldn't make the same mistake twice... and wouldn't ever experience such a painful mindfuck of a loss again.

I hope she's found peace.

I love her dearly.  

Classic maneuvers to avoid really dealing with hetero- and cis-sexism - part 2 of 2

Okay, I'm back with more of your favorite maneuvers for dodging conversations on heterosexism. If you missed part 1, you'll find it here.

Whipping Out The Best Friend

“Hey, I’m not a transphobe, OK? Some of my best friends are transsexuals. See?” Best Friend: “Yeah, he's practically one of us!”

The Infallible Resource

“Well I have a transsexual friend, and she says I'm allowed to say tranny, and you can't argue with that! No, I didn't know there are other takes on it. That doesn't make any sense, because trannies are automatically expert about tranny stuff. That's why if one of them says it's okay, I know I'm good. Case closed. Now that we've got that settled, want to come with me to protest the ex-gay conference? They trot out these gay people in front of the crowd, except they're all mixed up, and they tell everyone how homosexuality is evil and homophobia is Christian love.”

more across the jump...

Classic maneuvers to avoid really dealing with hetero- and cis-sexism - part 1 of 2

As a teacher, I've always wanted my students of social justice to understand how much one form of oppression resembles another. And I've always loved the blog post Sixteen maneuvers to avoid really dealing with racism by Holly at Feministe. Recently I read through it and thought about all the parallels for hetero/cissexism. And before I knew it, I'd translated the whole thing into queer terms. See if you recognize any of these classic defenses:

The Bootstrap Myth

“We're in a post-gay society. Don't Ask, Don't Tell is repealed, bisexuality is trendy among teenagers, and did you see where the president appointed a gay ambassador? We don't have to worry about anti-gay prejudice anymore. Anyone who works hard can make it in America. And if you struggle it's your own damn fault."

The Shining Example

"Look at me, I'm gay and I'm doing just fine. Look at Ellen, one of the most popular talk show hosts around. If we can do it, anybody can do it... because my/her experience is just like everybody else's."

more across the jump...

The real OY board

In my last post, I mentioned the OY board as I was imagining them. Well, today I remembered something about the real OY board, as opposed to the one I was imagining. The real board probably knows about an email I sent in 2009, the year I was fired. ("invited to resign")

Several months after I left OY, one of the board members ran into me at the Trans Day of Remembrance. Actually he'd already left the board, but I didn't know it. He's my age, friendly, upbeat. I didn't see him coming. He grabbed me from behind with both hands and rubbed my arms/shoulders as he exclaimed, "Matt!!! Good to see you, buddy!"

This was the only board member who'd said something so egregious behind my back that it ever got back to me...

My "no surprises" policy

At OY I invented an informal No Surprises policy. My idea was, communication should be open enough that there are no nasty surprises. So for example, if I was having a midterm meeting with a student intern and her university professor, I shouldn't have lots of criticism the intern had never heard before. I considered it my obligation to be up front with her when I had a problem, so we/she could address it, rather than holding onto some gripe and surprising her with it later on. If I hadn't been up front with her, I'd be in violation of the No Surprises policy.

Another example: If someone I manage messes up, I want to hear about it from them ASAP. If I find out a week later through the grapevine, because people are talking about the mess-up and related fallout, that's not cool.

Detour's Takeoff!

Well, I've been semi-public with Detour for a few weeks as I make the website flow the way I want. Just revised the whole Trips section. I'm about ready to roll it out as more than a Beta! That involves a lot of social networking, blah blah blah. Can hardly wait. Feel free to poke around the website and give me any praise or constructive feedback you have for me. Wheeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!