Classic maneuvers to avoid really dealing with hetero- and cis-sexism - part 2 of 2

Okay, I'm back with more of your favorite maneuvers for dodging conversations on heterosexism. If you missed part 1, you'll find it here.

Whipping Out The Best Friend

“Hey, I’m not a transphobe, OK? Some of my best friends are transsexuals. See?” Best Friend: “Yeah, he's practically one of us!”

The Infallible Resource

“Well I have a transsexual friend, and she says I'm allowed to say tranny, and you can't argue with that! No, I didn't know there are other takes on it. That doesn't make any sense, because trannies are automatically expert about tranny stuff. That's why if one of them says it's okay, I know I'm good. Case closed. Now that we've got that settled, want to come with me to protest the ex-gay conference? They trot out these gay people in front of the crowd, except they're all mixed up, and they tell everyone how homosexuality is evil and homophobia is Christian love.”

more across the jump...

Classic maneuvers to avoid really dealing with hetero- and cis-sexism - part 1 of 2

As a teacher, I've always wanted my students of social justice to understand how much one form of oppression resembles another. And I've always loved the blog post Sixteen maneuvers to avoid really dealing with racism by Holly at Feministe. Recently I read through it and thought about all the parallels for hetero/cissexism. And before I knew it, I'd translated the whole thing into queer terms. See if you recognize any of these classic defenses:

The Bootstrap Myth

“We're in a post-gay society. Don't Ask, Don't Tell is repealed, bisexuality is trendy among teenagers, and did you see where the president appointed a gay ambassador? We don't have to worry about anti-gay prejudice anymore. Anyone who works hard can make it in America. And if you struggle it's your own damn fault."

The Shining Example

"Look at me, I'm gay and I'm doing just fine. Look at Ellen, one of the most popular talk show hosts around. If we can do it, anybody can do it... because my/her experience is just like everybody else's."

more across the jump...

The real OY board

In my last post, I mentioned the OY board as I was imagining them. Well, today I remembered something about the real OY board, as opposed to the one I was imagining. The real board probably knows about an email I sent in 2009, the year I was fired. ("invited to resign")

Several months after I left OY, one of the board members ran into me at the Trans Day of Remembrance. Actually he'd already left the board, but I didn't know it. He's my age, friendly, upbeat. I didn't see him coming. He grabbed me from behind with both hands and rubbed my arms/shoulders as he exclaimed, "Matt!!! Good to see you, buddy!"

This was the only board member who'd said something so egregious behind my back that it ever got back to me...

My "no surprises" policy

At OY I invented an informal No Surprises policy. My idea was, communication should be open enough that there are no nasty surprises. So for example, if I was having a midterm meeting with a student intern and her university professor, I shouldn't have lots of criticism the intern had never heard before. I considered it my obligation to be up front with her when I had a problem, so we/she could address it, rather than holding onto some gripe and surprising her with it later on. If I hadn't been up front with her, I'd be in violation of the No Surprises policy.

Another example: If someone I manage messes up, I want to hear about it from them ASAP. If I find out a week later through the grapevine, because people are talking about the mess-up and related fallout, that's not cool.

Detour's Takeoff!

Well, I've been semi-public with Detour for a few weeks as I make the website flow the way I want. Just revised the whole Trips section. I'm about ready to roll it out as more than a Beta! That involves a lot of social networking, blah blah blah. Can hardly wait. Feel free to poke around the website and give me any praise or constructive feedback you have for me. Wheeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A letter I wrote for myself, but to someone else

I often write things out to get my own ideas clear... or to work through emotional stuff. That's why I'm blogging. I've been watching Out Youth struggle through another existential crisis. I started writing about it. One of the things I wrote evolved into a letter to the OY Board of Directors - or at least, the Board as I imagine them.

I wrote it from the standpoint of wanting the current conflict to be resolved between all the stakeholders of OY. And it says something about how I imagine myself: not caught up in the conflict, and having a broader perspective that I worry they're missing.

I didn't send it to them. I don't know them or where they're at, so I didn't know whether it would help or hurt. But I sent it to the ED and asked her to share it with the Board if she thinks it could be helpful. If they can make some use of my writing, so much the better.

Strategically being yourself

So I mentioned in my last post the motto, "Fearlessly Be Yourself!" and my little variations on it. (e.g., "Fearlessly be yourself in community with others.") There's another variation I thought up, which is "Fearlessly be yourself, and be strategic about how you express yourself."

Being yourself - expressing yourself authentically - isn't always strategic, given whatever other goals you may have. For example, someone could say, "In the spirit of being myself, I've dyed my hair pink, and nobody'd better have a problem with it!"

Pink is awesome. Pink hair is awesome. If you want to get a job as a trustee at the Knickerbocker Bank ("They're so conservative, they don't pay any interest at all!"), it's not strategic. You might choose to stick with a more natural color, not because you're living in fear, but because that's the path to getting the job you've chosen.

And on the bank's side: They might outlaw pink hair, not because there's anything intrinsically wrong with pink hair, and not because they actively want to kill employees' individuality. Maybe they'd rather have pink hair themselves, all things being equal. They may have decided against pink only because they're trying to create a public image that will be most profitable for the bank. They've decided the value of pink hair as self-expression is outweighed by the higher profits they expect with a more traditional image. And they have every right to make that decision about how their organization presents itself. (As long as it doesn't get sexist, racist, etc.)